yes or no?

Sometimes I stare at you, but you just don't see,
I can't help, but imagine us together, you and me...
It's fun when we talk about stupoid stuff,
Spending time everyday is just not enough...
I love it when you something that makes me giggle inside,
But sometimes I think our worlds may never collide...
I can't help, but feel insecure sometimes,
But that changes when you do a poem that rhymes...
Sometimes I think that I don't deserve to be with you,
But when you look at me, it changes my view...
"Why do you like him?" my conscience once questioned,
"Because... I don't know," I reckoned...
"Why did you ask?" I continued the interrogation,
"So you can know how you feel," replied the annoying notion...
"You don't have to know everything,
Just sit back, and you'll know the meaning..."
This conversation stopped,
But a new idea popped...

"Can you actually call what I'm feeling right now,
LOVE?"

find someone... (ate lorry!!!)

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his
friends and says, "...that's her."

do you remember?

i miss you so much!!!
remember that time when i was writing something while you were secretly staring at me?
i was doing that to you, too while you weren't looking...
remember when you were singing to me, and i was covering my face?
that was because i didn't want you to see me blush...
remember that time when we planned to go somewhere, but you didn't come?
i felt really sad, i missed you...

i don't know what happened to
us...
all i know is that i love you, and
i really miss you...

guess what? i couldn't... i didn't...

racquel would always say, "he cares about you kaya!!!"
and ivanna would always agree with her...

i seriously don't know what to reply to them whenever we have this conversation...
i mean i know he does, but then i don't know how it really feels to be cared by him...
"ok," is the only reply i can say...

i realized that i seriously miss him now...
even if we see each other in school, it's just not enough...

i wanna talk to him, but i have nothing to say...
ivanna was right!
i can't say anything to him 'coz he's the only person i think of...
it's not like i can talk about him with him...

i read this story that made me think:

min-min (girl) likes din-din (guy)...
for so many years, they've been friends...
but now, they're nothing...
in those years, their friendship or love were fading...
way before, they would look at each other and not say a word and just smile...
din-din liked min-min...
then something happened...
after that, they would just hug for no reason...
then something happened...
after that, they were a little awkward already...
now, they're absolutely nothing...
they would see each other and they would always pretend that there's nothing wrong...
but there is...
they can't talk because there's nothing to say...
they can't hug because there's no time and there's no reason to...
they can't do anything...
what happened to them?

i talked to racquel about this story...
i talked to ivanna, too...
i was even crying...
i just missed him, and i could relate to the story...

i wish i just didn't do those things that i did...
i wish i could turn back time, and just hugged him forever...
i wish i could just talk to him, and not say a word...
i wish i could do all these things,

but guess what?
i couldn't... i didn't...

i still don't wanna give up...

whenever i see you,
you look for her...

whenever i say hi to you,
you turn your head the other way...

whenever i try to talk to you,
you talk about her...

what's wrong with you?
sometimes, i just wanna quit loving you!!!
but i can't coz i'm stupid!!!
i let my heart rule everything!!!
i don't use my brain at all!!!

maybe there's something wrong with me?
i will never know!!!

i just wanna know why you like her so much!!!
maybe we're just not compatible...
i liked you, and you liked me,
but then now, i'm the only one who's liking...

i don't know what happened to us...
it was like a bomb just exploded between both of us
,and affected us a lot!!!

before, we were really happy,
but now, we're all confused!!!

i'm confused!!!
i just wanna frickin' know what you're thinking!!!

every night i miss you,
and at the end, i realize that you're not missing me back...
you miss her...

i guess i just have to accept it and give up...
but i can't...

you might think i'm pathetic...
i am!!!
i'm a stupid ass falling for another stupid ass!!!
i'm already showing him how i really feel,
but he still doesn't notice it!!!
how stupid can that get!!!

i wanna get over this stupid feeling,

but i still don't wanna give
up...

but i can't coz i love him...43

shit!!! i miss him like shit!!!
why do i miss him, anyway?!!!
maybe because i see other people getting it on with each other,
and here i am, the plain jane in town!!!
i'm so annoyed, and i don't know what to do!!!
this sounds so pathetic, but this is how i feel!!!
i even made a list about him: what i hate and love about him...
i easily finished the hate part,
and i had to deeply think about the love part for them to be equal!!!
i don't even know why i love him so much!!!
yes, i said love!!!
i think i love him!!!
i think if you miss someone this much,
you can definitely say that you love that person!!!
you have no idea how much i miss him!!!
every morning, i smile because i dreamed about him!!!
every night, i think about him before i sleep,
so i dream about him!!!he's part of my cycle!!!
do you know what's more annoying?
everyone hates him!!!
everyone thinks he's a jerk!!!
here i am defending his ass!!!
i just don't think he's that kind of person!!!
he's a lot more than that...
i know he's this and that,
but maybe he can change,
or maybe we just get the wrong idea...
i don't know anymore!!!
i'm so confused!!!
everyone's against him!!!
everyone thinks i'm gonna like this other guy,
but i just seriously don't think so!!!
urgh!!!
and the stupid prom!!!
worrying what to wear, and who's gonna ask me?!!!
that's the last thing i should be thinking right now!!!
anyway, i just seriously don't know what to do!!!
i feel like a star fish under a rock!!!
it's comfortable for me coz it's my house,
but everyone thinks that i'm gonna die under that rock!!!
it's like he's a killer or something...
everyone's telling me to go away from him...
but i can't coz i love him...
i can't talk about him with anyone...
whenever i do that, they just say, "he's such a jerk!!!"
it makes me feel really sad whenever people do that to him!!!
that's why i'm writing it down...
i don't have to tell other people about it...
i just have to keep typing...
sometimes i feel like i'm the only one on earth...
i sometimes feel so lonely and sad...
whenever i think about him,
sometimes i smile, but sometimes i cry...
i smile coz of the things he did before...
all of them...
the things that can make my stomach feel weird...
i cry coz i miss him so much...
i cry coz i can't tell anyone how much i love him...
i can't even tell him coz he won't give me the answer i would want...
i guess i have to risk rejection...
but i don't want to...
he won't take me seriously...
he'd probably laugh at my face thinking i'm just joking...
(sigh...)
sometimes, i just wanna burst ito tears and scream my throat out!!!
i just feel that i have no one to depend on!!!
everyone thinks i have no problems at all,
they think i'm just this happy and jolly person in happy-jolly land!!!
but whenever i go home, and whenever i'm alone in my room,
i look into space to think about stuff about him...
to exercise my brain a little bit...
i just don't know what to do anymore...
i don't know how i'm gonna defend him anymore...
why does everyone hate him anyway?!!!
he's not doing anything to you guys...
you guys just think too much about him...
he might've done stupid stuff,but we all have...
anyway, enough about defending him...
i just wanna figure out how i'm gonna see him...
he's so far way...
he's on the other side of the globe...
i guess we'll just leave it like that...
i guess we'll just let it be gone...
i guess i'll just stop thinking about him...
i guess i'll just stop missing him...
but i can't coz i love him...